Sunday, August 5, 2012

Crap People Buy, or at Least Sell.

Check out Zuup--the "sleek pill dispenser."
Here's Zuup's marketing team hard at work:

"Purse, pocketbook or handbag — whatever you call it, you're lost without it. Pockets, zippers and compartments of even the tiniest clutches are filled with supplies to help you stay on the go, but aren't made to cart around the kitchen sink (or the medicine cabinet). Take some weight off your shoulders with today's Save from Zuup"

Whuuut?!?  How much weight does a pill bottle really add?  Exactly how many pills are you taking?

Apparently we have a society so plagued by medical/psychological/emotional issues that a) we need to pop a pill during the regular working hours rather than relying on the medicine cabinet at home b) the volume of pills to be popped necessitates an accessory to enable this popping, and c) we are so vain we need this accessory for all our medications to compliment our various outfits.

I don't want to be Judge Judy here, but we should be concerned with how we Americans primarily deal with our problems.  I'm including myself as well.  When I can't sleep I am NOT going for warm milk.  I'm heading straight for the Advil PM.  When I have a headache, however I go straight for chardonnay.

This next little gem was pointed out to me by a friend--not to purchase, of course, but to share in the mocking.
Step right up folks, and take a look at a 100 percent Rottweiler...face... shirt.  Again, whuuut?
Why would anyone wear this except ironically? Is it to intimidate people?  I'm sure Snoop Dog wouldn't be caught dead in this shit, but it makes me wonder all the crappy swag he's received over the years and then maybe re-gifted later to second cousins.

And then for the meow-meow lovers...

This one just makes me giggle.  I want to wear this lil' fella out just to see people's reactions.  Oh, and it has a name: "Emerald Eyes."

Really, what message are you sending when you wear this?  
I have a deep affection for cats.
Ok, yes.  But also that you're really, really, really creepy.

Here's a little nugget of goodness for you.  I don't even know how I feel really about DNA testing since I don't question the validity of my biological parentage, but the thing that rocks my socks here is the picture used to advertise for the "DNA Self Discovery Kit."  

Call me cynical, but I don't think you should trust a doctor with this type of expression when dealing with what I can only assume to be DNA test results.  And PS, why do the results look like those images from years ago that when you stared at it long enough morphed into something else?

I don't get it, but it's a funny picture all the same.

This one is not necessarily ridiculous, but it is way too cheesy to go without some shame.

It's the Customizable Collage Canvas! 

By the way, "customizable"?
Not a real word.

Ok, so for about 100 bucks you get a giant ass canvas with up to 40 photos.  Now, I enjoy pictures.  I like the idea of capturing a moment and then being able to recall that fond experience and collective history with that person.  However, this is a cheap knock off of pop art like Chuck Close.
But for those overly sentimental folks--the ones who enjoy watching Lifetime television movies--they would probably like to give this as a gift for someone, and who am I to judge another's gift?
But let's be serious for a second.
I love getting presents, but please don't do this to me.

Last but not least:
Rhinestone Bra Straps 
This is the "classy solution for unsightly or clear bra straps."

Um, there is nothing classy about this folks, not a damn thing. If you can't keep your boobs in your dress with a strapless bra, then do us all a favor and get a different dress, because I doubt the straps are your biggest problem.  Not to mention those poor rhinestones straps aren't going to last all night, Cinderella!

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