Friday, June 22, 2012

Slippery Slope

This entry is going to annoy all those folks in regular jobs without a summer vacation.  On the other hand, teachers will be nodding along with me.  Either way, I hope you enjoy it.

My name is Jennifer and I'm addicted to schedules.  Every summer I set lofty goals and high standards for myself like: I will not sleep in, I will run more, I will eat healthier food, I will get back in shape--whatever that really means.  I really will start thinking about graduate school and preparing for the GRE. (The math section terrifies me.)  There are others like deep cleaning, and I mean the shitty parts no one really sees but you, like the baseboards or the bottom of the crisper drawer in the fridge.  Gross. Another is reading all the novels that have been recommended over the school year which I never had time to read because I was laboring over shitty essays. Then the smaller ones like organizing the closets, Goodwill donation drop-off, bla bla bla.

Every summer I begin rather well.  I get up at a respectable time and fix myself a healthy breakfast with fruit, put on the ol' runnin' gear, get out there and hammer out 3-4 miles and let Piper run and swim.  Come home, clean up, and have a nice lunch.  Run a few errands, read a little of one of those novels, and then in the evening prepare the hubs a nice dinner with a glass of wine.  I feel victorious.  This summer is going to be the most accomplished summer to date! I think to myself smugly of how well-read, well-rested and toned I'll be for the new school year.
(This woman is not actually me, but it's the future "me" upon the summer's closing.)

So far this summer I've done this twice.

It's only the third week of summer, and I rolled out of bed at 10:30 AM today.  I did not go run.  Instead I ate a piece of cake.  I finally showered around one and read some trashy gossip about some celebrity couple.  I have no idea what's for dinner, but I ain't cooking it.

What happened?  I'm not that kind of person who even makes New Year's resolutions, so why do I set myself up for such massive failures during the summer?  And the slope was steep this time.  Apparently when I don't have someone expecting me to do something at a certain time, I can find a startlingly amount of unnecessary chores and activities to fill up the hours.  This cannot be what housewives feel like though, since they have the job of taking care of the kids and all this entails, so I don't want to be dismissive. However, I suck at being home all day.  

I need the school schedule.  I need a million warning and tardy bells, due dates for grades, 24-hour turnaround expectation for email contacts, and every other structure put in place to make sure the establishment stays running.  

Without it, I'm drunk and pantless in the middle of the day eating thin mints. 


  1. My kind of gal! I've had 18 months of unemployment and by rights should have: knit a sweater, written a novel, toned and firmed, and learned Italian. Instead, I can name all the Real Housewives and 6 good red wines you can get for under $10.

  2. It's nice to hear I'm not alone. I'm all caught up now on every "30 Rock" ever aired.

    What? There will be no certificate for this grand accomplishment?